It was the day where the prosecution won, laughed and said, "We succeeded to protect the nation's security." But the only thing I felt was rage.

I once had the opportunity to assist in a case involving an undocumented migrant. He was from Myanmar, awaiting deportation after getting arrested for not having proper documentation. The deportation date has been fixed. There was no time to waste. When the case came to us, we were two or three days away from preventing the deportation from happening.

Long story short, we were told that if he was deported back, he would face persecution by Myanmar’s authorities due to his past activities relating to the anti-government movement. We could not meet him. There was simply no time. We did what we could, hoping it would be enough.

Now, under international law (which I always believe is bullshit anyway, as the country’s sovereignty would always be an issue), there is this principle of non-refoulment. Simply put, you are not supposed to send someone back to a place where there is a potential danger to their life. However, international law is not binding upon us. Malaysia is also not a signatory to the Refugee Convention. Our immigration laws are clear. Not having a proper travel document is a valid ground for our immigration authorities to exercise their power and deport someone back to their home country. 

In this case, the guy failed to produce a valid travel pass. He had no UNHCR card either, and in the end, he was deported back to his home country precisely one day after we lost our case.

It frustrated me a lot. Knowing that there is that potential danger awaiting him once he arrives home. Knowing that no one would want to leave their home for no good reason. Knowing that he was not the only one. Knowing that there is nothing else I can do to help or stop it from happening. It pained me so much that I could not stop crying for three days straight after the case was over.

Yet what pains me more is not knowing where I should stand. The dilemma between wanting to provide help and do something for every single human being because we are all human, and on the other hand, the fact that a country must always place its security first. Where do we find the balance between protecting refugees/undocumented migrants/illegal migrants and safeguarding our nation’s security?

Every person desires to have a safe living place. One where our security is guaranteed. For that to happen, laws must be enforced, and we have to abide by them. But what happens when undocumented migrants violate the immigration laws, which exist to protect their citizens in the first place? Would it be too much to ask to review every case before the court or the immigration authorities on a case-by-case basis?

Unfortunately, up to now, I still don’t know how to choose. I’ve heard opinions from both sides of the spectrum. Yet, I don’t know.

Must it be that at the end of the day, you will have to choose a side, living in blissful ignorance that the other side also has its truth? 

I would always remain conflicted.